That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Randomize
