he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
