He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i wish my penis had a tongue
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
