I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
