Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
