mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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