Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
