Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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