Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
