Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He passed out mid-signature
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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