We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize