dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
