Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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