i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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