i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
its liver damage thursday
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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