..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
