after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
