The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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