This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize
