everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
