apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
