I just made out with a guy for $7.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
