I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
