If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
