Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
farters have to be the big spoon...
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
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