dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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