ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize