i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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