Swine flu. Run for my life!
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
