He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
