I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize