Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
