theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Randomize
