the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
