They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
