Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
