i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
