New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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