They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
