i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
