We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize