I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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