Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
