it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
