Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
