the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
