I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize