did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
