what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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