it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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