One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
