FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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