Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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