I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
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