I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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