It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i came on her dog
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize