playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
