Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
