why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize