Jerry, you need to find god
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize