Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
