Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
