I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize