he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
