She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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