It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
