That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
