If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
