my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
