Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize