I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
