Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
