I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
