friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
