Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Let's paint friendship bongs
How external is "for external use only"?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
