"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You're like the curious george of whores
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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