I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize