I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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