Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
