Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
