id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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