The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
The Olympian is in my bed
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
