dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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