you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
