I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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