My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
