Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
