a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
