dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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