Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Randomize
