Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
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