So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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