I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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