just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
