Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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