can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
