And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
