Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize