Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
