you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
