I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
